The Girl Who Stopped Adjusting

If there’s one word, I hated the most growing up, it’s “adjust”. It wasn’t just a word — it became a burden I carried for years. From a young age, I was constantly told by many people around me to adjust. And I believed it was right thing to do — because when everyone says the same thing, you start thinking it must be normal. But overtime I started to realise something uncomfortable:  I was told to adjust because I’m a woman. And I’m aware that I am not alone in this. So many women grew up being told to suppress their feelings, shrink their needs and silence their wants. We’re trained not to live, but to perform. To survive. To please. To accommodate.

When I was young, there were countless moments I was told to adjust. I was told to adjust when very aged relatives — who I only meet on family gatherings — made body-shaming comments about me. It felt like there was this unspoken rule: no matter how disrespectful someone was, no matter how cruel and inconsiderate their remarks were, especially about my appearance — I was expected to stay quiet. To smile. To swallow their words, even they cut deep. I was told “that is how a good girl should be”. And the people who fixated on how young girls and women looked — always get a free pass. I began losing respect for such people. And worse, I started loathing the way I was told to adjust for their comfort.

 Crying in a corner, staying silent, pretending to enjoy the gathering, while feeling embarrassed — that was considered the right response. Oh, and if I dared to express my discomfort? I was told to let it go and not make others uncomfortable. Because again, “that’s just how it is”. But where did that all get me? No where. I was introduced as: “The girl who adjusts all the time. She never talks back. She swallows her pride even when people cross the line”. Let’s be clear — that was never a compliment. That was just a way to keep me in control. Because, God forbid — what if I dare to think on my own?

 I didn’t have a single adult who told me I was enough. No one ever encouraged me to stand up for myself. Instead, I was constantly reminded to stay quiet and not to cause a scene make sure no one else felt even slightly uncomfortable — no matter how uncomfortable I was. So, of course it took me years to realise that this so-called “adjusting” wasn’t noble — it was dangerous. It ruined my mental peace, made me question my worth, shattered my self-esteem and drained my confidence. I was surviving, not living — dodging every disrespectful comment, every hurtful remark, just to win some imaginary irrelevant award: “The girl who always adjusts”. 

When I finally realised the truth, I started using my voice. I stood up for myself, instead of waiting for someone to do it. I called out ill-mannered people with respect and class — qualities they clearly lacked. I did not live to please others and started living to stay true to myself. I shifted my focus on not disappointing myself. I began treating myself with kindness, and demanded respect wherever I went. And most importantly — I stopped taking responsibility for how others reacted to my decisions. Of course, not everyone liked the change. Because we live in a society that still flinches at the idea of a woman prioritizing herself. That’s why so many women who dare to say no, who chose boundaries, who stops adjusting, are immediately labelled: “oh you’re one of those feminists.” A if it’s an insult. As if wanting basic respect and autonomy is something to be ashamed of. The truth is, many are allergic to self-respecting women. Many still misunderstand feminism entirely — but that’s a conversation for another day. What I want to say is: this is just a glimpse of what a woman who stops adjusting has to deal with. However, once you realise that their validation shouldn’t come at the expense of your life — it’s unbelievably freeing. So, I chose peace over performance.

To all the women out there who hate the word “adjust” — to every woman who doesn’t want to shrink herself, this is for you: You are doing great. The labels they throw at you — arrogant, selfish, cold? That’s exactly what society calls woman who are too strong, too aware and too intelligent to be manipulated. So, wear those words like a badge of honour. Let go of the imaginary awards for suffering in silence. Start living, fully, loudly and unapologetically. You don’t need to adjust. You never did.