I Saw My Father Lowered, But He Wasn’t Mine Anymore

He left everything to carry the Cross.

We were a part of him,

but he never left us alone.

He was the axis of our home,

the unspoken center of our breath,

the quiet pulse beneath our chaos.

His love..

I cannot say if it was visible or invisible,

but it was known

by everyone he touched

from the broken-hearted

to the leper to the child

waking up just to see him return home.

The cross he carried was heavy.

My mother, silent and strong,

walked beside him and bore it too.

We were loved deeply, fiercely

but the call came first. His calling was more important than anything else..

And I understood that

when I saw lines of strangers

press against him even in death

while I stood behind,

not as a daughter,

but as one more mourner.

The lessons he taught

are carved into me

verses etched in marrow,

the reason I do not fall

when the world spins in storms.

He taught me to trust

the God of yesterday

as my shield for tomorrow.

When he fell into coma,

I told him.. Pappa..

“My lessons aren’t over.

You cannot go.”

And when he awoke,

unable to speak,

he kept pointing to the old Bible.

The most worn-out book in our house.

When he finally could speak, he said:

“I’ve taught you all I could.

You’ll have more questions than I can answer.

But all your answers are in this book.

You must go to Him now.

Not to me.”

And just like that,

he gave me back to God.

It hurt.

Oh, it hurt like heaven breaking.

But he was right.

Now I cling to the Word

more than I ever clung to flesh.

And when he crossed,

I knew:

He had always belonged to Christ.

Not to me.

At the end, I was not a daughter.

I was one of the faithful.

And still, I counted it joy.

Because he lives

in every verse I read,

in every act of courage I choose,

in every storm I stand through without bowing.

He is the echo in my prayers,

the steady hand in my trembling faith,

the proof that love anchored in Christ

is never lost

only multiplied.

And so, when I saw my father lowered,

I did not lose him.

I only followed the direction

he had been pointing my whole life

upward.

                -Ysomi