It’s Messy, But It’s Healing

Healing is not linear. It’s not always, candles, peace and journaling. Healing is messy. It’s crying for hours until your eyes are swollen. It’s saying things you don’t mean. Breaking down during something very normal — like a movie scene or a song lyric. It’s years of unlearning outdated beliefs and conditioning that shaped how you see yourself and the world, it’s not easy. So, if you ever find yourself thinking “I’m stuck” or “I’m going backwards” — you’re not. In this article, I’ll show you what healing actually looks like — so you can stop questioning yourself and start giving your journey the grace it deserves.

When you finally pause and look back at everything you’ve been through — the pain you’ve endured, the disrespect you’ve tolerated, the patterns you kept repeating which drained your energy and left you mentally and physically exhausted—it doesn’t feel peaceful. It feels chaotic. You start questioning everything. Why did I allow that? Why didn’t I set boundaries? Why did I keep going back? You’ll resent the people who mistreated you, followed by frustration at yourself for letting them. But here’s what you need to see: The fact that you’re questioning all of it now—that’s growth. You’re revisiting the past memories but now with a different lens. That shift in perception? That’s proof you’re healing. It might feel like an identity crisis, because you’re challenging everything you once believed—everything that was planted in you when you were too young to choose for yourself. 

So, if it feels overwhelming, uncertain, or lost—that’s because you’re breaking open. And that’s what healing looks like. You’ll also miss the version of you who swallowed your pride, quieted your voice, and shrunk yourself to keep peace. Not because it’s healthy—but because it’s familiar.  That’s because you were safe in a world you were taught to survive not live. At some point you’ll even question if all this inner work is worth it? Trust me—it is. Because you’re no longer repeating the same cycles that once hurt you. You’re no longer bottling up pain to appear fine — you’re feeling it, releasing it and healing it.

Healing doesn’t look like the growth you imagined, it looks like grieving, and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. The old ways of doing things will stop bringing you comfort. You’ll outgrow people, and places that once felt like home. You’ll cry over things, you thought you were over. You find that you can longer fake smile, or adjust yourself just to please others. You’re slowly saying goodbye to the old version you—and welcoming and honoring the new one. Healing doesn’t mean you’re totally calm all the time. You can be healing and still feel triggered. You can be evolving and still make mistakes. It means you’re feeling everything, things you once ignored — and that’s how you heal. You are allowed to heal in your own way. Loud or silent. Some days you’ll journal and speak affirmations. Other days you’ll need space. Some days you’ll love yourself so deeply. Other days you’ll doubt everything and wonder if anything is really working. Because, healing is complex and unfiltered. What matters is that, you are noticing the patterns now and choosing differently. That is growth—even if it doesn’t feel like it. 

You’ve come a long way from controlling your emotions, to finally giving permission to release them. You feel deeply now and still keep going.  You trust yourself and your journey. You’re not just healing from wounds—you’re unlearning years of conditioning. The kind that told you to, “stay strong”, “adjust”, “don’t be dramatic” whenever you express emotions. You’re undoing generational silence, and that takes work. Deep soul-level work. Keep this in mind — you don’t outgrow trauma by being harder, you break free from it by being softer with yourself. By being kind. By being patient. By embracing all the parts of you — the triggered, the unsure, the scared and the angry.

So, if you’ve cried today or yesterday, held back tears while telling yourself to “get it together” — pause, and breathe. You’re not falling apart—you’re healing. And it’s okay if that doesn’t look graceful. What matters is that you’re still choosing you every single day.

Please listen to my video message on this.