Five more minutes, my mind screams when I wake up in the morning — and of course I listen. But somehow five minutes turn into forty-five, and honestly, there is no real explanation for how that happens. Research says the average person has around 6,000 thoughts a day, and we consciously notice only a fraction of them — about 5 – 10%. I found that kind of insane, because I already feel overwhelmed just dealing with the 10% I’m aware of every day.

I have this habit of checking my phone as soon as I wake up. I tell myself to stop — just don’t do it — but one thought slips in, and suddenly it’s — it’s fine, what’s the harm in just checking? And yes, as you can guess, the voice usually wins. I mean, I’m not exactly proud of it, but I do need to check the time or turn off the alarm or convince myself I deserve five more minutes. So, I’ve somehow come to the very reasonable conclusion that having my phone next to my bed is absolutely necessary. Once I’m actually awake though, my mind doesn’t waste a second. It’s instantly full of thoughts — mostly planning. I start mapping out my day based on whatever I have going on. It sounds something like — pack your stuff, pick which book you’re going to read, use moisturizer and sunscreen before heading out, bring your specs, check if your pen pouch has everything, and oh don’t forget your headphones, and make sure your phone is fully charged. It’s just my mind throwing thoughts at me one after another, and me trying to keep up. This is normal. This is every day. When I start working it’s usually like — Focus. No distractions. Wait, this song is kind of life-changing. Three songs later: you’ve changed nothing about your life.

One thing I both love and hate about thoughts is how random they are — and how quickly they change. One minute, a thought feels absolutely right, and the next, another one shows up sounding even more convincing. Like the other day, I was reading a book on child psychology, and suddenly my mind was full. New ideas, new questions, old doubts getting clear. My thoughts went something like — this book is amazing, I’m going to find all my answers here… wait, why did I not read this sooner? I need to finish this fast…. no it’s okay, I can take it slow too. I’m always trying to work on that part of me — reminding myself to stay present, that there’s time. I don’t need to rush or feel anxious. Sometimes I even gently “scold” my thoughts when they start pressuring me. Lately, though, my thoughts have been kinder. That’s a wise way to think. You complimented that chef — that was really sweet, do that more. You sounded really confident while speaking — that’s amazing. It’d be a lie if I say it’s always perfect. My overthinking mind still brings in negative thoughts — and the worst part? it interestingly backs them up with convincing “proof”. What if I mess up? What if something goes wrong? I could’ve done that better.

They do cloud my mind sometimes. And worrying? That’s natural. But I’ve learned not to sit with those thoughts for too long. So now I answer them — with another thought. So, my answer to these kinds of thoughts is another thought. Whoa there, stop imagining the worst. It doesn’t  have to go wrong. Good things can happen too. Now let your mind rest. And honestly, for  a moment I feel peaceful. Like I’ve reached some tiny pocket of calm. And then of course my brain goes — do you think aliens have unbelievably complicated societies like ours which makes living and earning absurdly difficult? I know I’ll probably never get an answer. But still…it was kind of fun to think about, right? It’s crazy how quickly my thoughts shift. But I guess the good part is — I don’t stay stuck in negative ones for too long.

If you are curious about what’s going on in my mind right now, as I’m writing this, it sounds something like — I hope it’s good. I hope the readers like it. Then another voice steps in — wait, it is good I like it. That should matter the most. Okay, optimistic. But then again —  I really hope I’ve said what I’ve wanted to say. Let’s not overthink it — and immediately — (with a slight affectionate, mocking tone) oh yeah sure….because we never overthink, right?