Learning to Feel Safe in the Good

There are days when everything feels calm — nothing is wrong; nothing is missing — yet an uneasy feeling lingers inside. You start wondering if things are too calm to be true. It’s like a quiet voice whispering, “Don’t laugh too much, something bad might happen.” Because sometimes peace doesn’t seem like peace at all, it feels like waiting for the next problem.

I used to do this a lot too. Whenever I was genuinely happy or having a good time, a part of me would whisper, “What if something bad happens?” I would expect disappointment the moment I felt too happy. I know a lot of people feel this way. When you’ve lived in survival mode for a long time, peace can feel threatening. When life suddenly goes straight — no chaos, no problems — it feels unsettling. You start thinking “This is too good to be true. Why would something good happen to me?” If you grew up around instability or emotional unpredictability, your mind begins to associate happiness with calm before the storm. Your body isn’t used to safety — it’s used to surviving. So, your subconscious stays on high alert, constantly scanning for danger even when there is none. It also connects to self-worth. If you’ve judged and criticized yourself for years — or been surrounded by people who did — it becomes hard to accept when life flows smoothly. If you were taught to people-please, stay quiet, or dim your joy, you learn to believe you don’t deserve ease. You’ll find yourself over analyzing good moments, instead of feeling them. You downplay your efforts and achievements, because deep down you have a belief — that you don’t have what it takes. Your happiness starts to feel suspicious. Another reason is the fear of losing control. For many people, uncertainty automatically equals danger. When life becomes unpredictable, even in small ways, their mind jumps straight to the worst-case scenario. It’s a form of self-protection: “If I expect the worst won’t be disappointed.” But the truth is, the beliefs you feed your subconscious shape your reality. If you’ve spent years thinking this way, your mind will continue repeating the same pattern — until you consciously rewrite the old narrative.

Start by noticing the voice that says, “This won’t last.” Observe where it comes from. The way you think, what you believe, and how you act all stem from your subconsciousness. You interpret the present through the lens of your past. So, if you grew up with instability your mind assumes you’ll only repeat that in future. In moments like that, ground yourself. When something good happens, remind your body that safety can feel strange — but strange doesn’t mean wrong. Let yourself feel joy without anticipating loss. Slowly, give yourself space to enjoy small moments. Celebrate your comfort without guilt. Laugh freely. Do little things that make you happy without feeling the need to justify them. When you allow yourself to feel even tiny moments of peace, your nervous system gradually adjusts. It learns that calm isn’t a threat. Stop feeding your mind negative “what ifs.” Stop saying things like “I got lucky” or “It’s not a big deal.” These only reinforce unworthiness. When those thoughts show up, substitute them with: “I worked for this”, “I am allowed to receive good things”, “I am grateful and I welcome more.” Over time, this will calm your anxiety around good news. And slowly you’ll get used to good things happening to you — not as a rare exception, but as your new normal.

Celebrate your small shifts as well. When you didn’t predict disaster immediately, when you enjoyed a moment fully, and when you rested without feeling guilty — give yourself credit. You don’t have to force joy, just allow it. Stay open when things feel uncertain — it can only scare you when you let it. Fear of good things is a pattern not your identity. Remember, you were never unworthy. You were simply never taught how to receive. Now you are allowing yourself to feel and dwell in the kind of goodness you once feared. And that is growth.