The Myth of Having It All Figured Out in Your 20s

There’s this quiet pressure that hangs over your 20s — the belief that you should have everything figured out: a career, a relationship, starting family, buying a house, and most importantly living in a way that looks perfect in the society’s eyes. The pressure often makes you feel like you haven’t done enough or haven’t done it on time. But trust me — life is not a checklist to tick off, it’s meant to be lived, experienced and enjoyed in the way you truly want.

We grew up watching everyone around us follow the same path, hitting milestones at certain ages. It looks perfect because it’s what everyone does, and many of us feel safe when we don’t deviate. Even though when the idea of success is different for everyone, there is an invisible pressure to comply. Because the society praises who who check off these lists at the “right age” and is often critical or dismissive of those who take a different path. People who choose different direction are questioned, judged and criticized. As a result, many start viewing their own lives through society’s lens. Their choices begin to feel flawed, pushing them to follow what others do. But success is subjective. It doesn’t follow deadlines or timelines. My idea of success may differ from my friend’s — and that’s okay. Because what truly matters is, what makes us feel happy, at peace, and fulfilled. For one person, success can be starting a family; for another, it maybe freedom and independence. There is no universal “right” or “wrong.” So, if you haven’t crossed the society’s deadlines, or if your goals don’t align with the majority, that’s perfectly fine. You don’t owe anyone explanation for your life. You don’t have to question your path just because it doesn’t match society’s checklists. 

As humans we are wired to seek belonging. Fitting into a group, historically means safety, so from an evolutionary stand point it was always right to do so. This is why thinking differently or taking a unique path can feel threatening. However, belonging at cost of your authenticity is never wise. Because you will end up being a lifelong prisoner for others approval. Constantly comparing your life to others — just as a shallow-minded society does, leads to guilt, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, even when the path you’re on is the right one and truly help you grow. 

So, how do you outgrow this illusion? It starts with awareness. The first step is to stop comparing yourself to others. Comparison makes no sense as each of us have a different life, different experience, and different paths. Comparing yourself only leads to unnecessary guilt and self-doubt. Stop seeing your life through other people’s perspective. You need to understand why you are here and what matters to you. Never measure yourself with society’s narrow definition of success. Realize that life doesn’t follow any set script. There is no single “right” way to live, and just because the majority around you choose a particular path, doesn’t mean you should do the same. Be true to yourself. Deadlines, customs, and traditions — these are all man-made. You don’t have to fit into someone else’s idea of life. There is no age limit for your success, or pursuing what you truly want. Viola Davis gained mainstream recognition in her 40s. Colonel Harland Sanders founded KFC in his 60s. Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first TV job before becoming well, Oprah. And, Priyanka Chopra is a proof that you don’t have to follow society’s checklist — she broke barriers globally, and built a career entirely on her own terms.

Your timeline is yours. Your version success may look completely different — and that’s perfectly fine. The idea of “having it all figured in your 20s” is one of society’s biggest trap; don’t fall for it. Others don’t need to understand your path. Your journey exists to discover yourself, understand your capabilities, and find your purpose — not to blindly follow rules made by someone else. So, stand tall. Be proud of your decisions, your life and yourself. Success isn’t about when or how it happens — it’s about whether it feels true to you. And sometimes, the most meaningful chapter happens when the world least expects it. Give yourself permission to grow at your own pace, to take detours and to redefine what achievement looks like. Life isn’t a race — it’s your story and you get to write it your way.