You Don’t Need Approval: How to Validate Yourself and Thrive

Why do we constantly feel the need to seek others approval? Most of the times we find ourselves, trying to please others, in order to be praised, or acknowledged. Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to be who we truly are because we fear not being liked and worry how others will perceive us. When we continue this cycle of seeking external validation we lose our sense of self.

Ever since we were children, we naturally acquire the habit of gaining approval, whether it is from parents or teachers. From a young age we are conditioned in ways to please others and earn their appreciation. As we grow up this pattern continues in our interactions, but when taken to an extreme, we start tying our self-worth to other’s opinions. Which is why many people continue to conform to norms and values even if it no longer serves them, because they want to be accepted. They try not to disappoint others, but in that process, they end up disappointing themselves.

Seeking validation is an endless loop, however, we can detach from external validation and validate ourselves. When you shift to self-validation, you won’t doubt yourself. You will not need anyone’s permission to feel worthy, because your self-worth comes from within not from external validation. You won’t always feel the need to perform for an audience. You will trust the decisions you make, and don’t beat yourself over mistakes, instead, you learn from them. When you stop seeking outside approval, you celebrate yourself, by noticing your small victories and you will be okay with the fact, that not everyone will like you. You won’t view yourself through other’s perception or judge yourself by their standards.

Now how to be your biggest cheerleader? Simple, treat yourself with love and care. Talk to yourself kindly, don’t resort to criticism over minor mistakes, instead support yourself the way you would support a friend seeking comfort. Before speaking to yourself harshly, pause and ask ‘will I say these things to a friend?’ Create your own space, remember other people’s perception about you does not shape your reality, but yours does. Quit comparing yourself to others, instead compare how far you’ve come, and give yourself credits for that. Whenever someone tries to put you down, or comment anything about your life, remind yourself that they are projecting their insecurities onto you, and neither does it define you nor is it the truth. Practice affirmations like, “I am enough” “I don’t need anyone’s approval to be confident” to reprogram your mind. Every time a negative thought about you pops up, say “it is not my thought” and don’t acknowledge it.

When you stop seeking approval from others, and show up with confidence, believing and trusting in yourself, you become truly unstoppable.