Be the Love Your Younger Self Needed

When you look back at your younger self, what hurt you the most? Was it being silenced every time you tried to speak? Being called dramatic for just showing emotions? Or constantly compared, teased and made to feel small simply for existing as you were? We all carry these things with us, even as we grow up — wounds from moments we wish we could change. I’ve felt this too. But I realized healing your inner child, isn’t about fixing what broke you — it’s about giving that little version of yourself the love, safety, and understanding you always needed.

For me, my inner child remembers every time I was scrutinized for simply being me. From a very young age, I was constantly shamed for my weight. People around me, made fun of me and disguised insults as concerns and jokes. I am sharing this because, what we experience young, also shapes how we function as adults. I struggled to accept myself. I became so obsessed with dieting and working out, often pushing myself too harshly. It took me long time to realize that my stress and obsession over my weight wasn’t just about appearance — it was fear. Fear of returning back to the ridicule, I once endured. When we were children, we didn’t have the tools to process emotional neglect, criticism or comparison — we simply absorb it. What I didn’t understand then was that our bodies remember what our minds try to forget. So, our body learns that love comes with condition, that shrinking ourselves avoids rejection, and that silence keeps you safe.  Being told as a child to behave, to laugh less, to eat less, to not get too excited or to stay quiet — these lessons do not just disappear when we grow up. That’s why certain comments still cut deep, or some tones triggers anxiety. It’s not overreacting. It is your nervous system remembering what danger used to feel like.

We were literally just not allowed be ourselves by the people around us. We were taught how to be good, calm, smart and obedient — but never to be whole. We can’t go back to the past and change what was said or done to us. But now, we can decide that those words no longer define us. We don’t have to “fix” ourselves, because we were never broken. Yes, childhood conditioning shapes how we view ourselves. It makes rest look lazy, or joy feel undeserved and boundaries feel selfish. But the moment we recognize the pattern; we gain power over it. Give your inner child what others failed to. These days I let myself feel joy without guilt. I give myself permission to rest, without criticism. I stop holding myself to impossible standards. I laugh out loud when I want to, I cry when I need to. I move slowly at my own pace, without rushing. I speak to myself kindly and I no longer judge myself like society does. Because all my inner child ever wanted was to be seen, heard and feel safe being herself — and that’s exactly what I give her now. This is how we slowly heal our inner child. You know what you had endured, and you know it wasn’t fair for you to go through all of that. And now, you have the chance to be your own protector — the safe place, your younger self longed for. You can give her the warmth she never got, because you’ve become the person she needed. Show her she’s worthy and loved with every choice you make, and with every small act of gentleness.

You’re no longer trapped in those old stories. The world that once felt unsafe is now yours to rebuild. It’s never too late. That little child is still within you. She’s waiting for you to say “It’s okay now. You are safe. You can grow.”