Self-Love goes way back

Growing up, I appeared to be a pretty bold girl, and my bubbly demeanor did nothing to hide the fact that I was bold (only) on the outside. Scratch the surface and you would find a ‘scary puss’, a ‘puddle of muddles’ that only I, and the one who made me, knows. I was a live-wire, cheerful, jovial, and quite a ‘fighter cock’ when the need arose! That I lacked self-confidence never showed because it always rode piggy back on my bold exterior. Only I knew the truth, and that truth set me free, probably from self-loathing, come to think of it now. Oh, no, not that I liked myself as I was anyway, but surely morbid negativity was never my cup of tea you can say.

 

Most children of the 60s were sweet, kind, bold, naughty or mischievous apart from many other lovely and lovable characteristics. I don’t know about the sweet and kind, but the remaining three personality traits definitely comprised yours truly!  I was just another ordinary girl with God-given faith that helps steer me clear from most pitfalls in life.  But, like I have always maintained, back then, girls like me (so I think) did not dwell long and hard on the not-so-good-things in life. Or, maybe we just tried, in our own small ways to find our own fascinating, facetious fountains of joy. We may not have liked ourselves, but that didn’t stop us from inculcating the value of self-love (though this term was unheard of back then) that was ensconced in the value system our upbringing entailed.

 

Almost every day we read news reports of many a young life snuffed out by suicide. Pressure, stress, a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness that fuels a state of ennui, inferiority complex and a host of other self-demeaning complexes/thoughts caused by others/self, seem to leave the immature mind with no other option. Young men and women too today seem to lose out on life thanks to persecution, one way or other, on social media. Has this boon now become a bane? Or is it that we, the (supposedly) higher animals, have lost our sense of what is ‘real and true’? 

 

In recent times the phrase “self-love” has gained much ground. More and more people are looking intently and deeply into this beautiful value as the foundation of a fulfilling and meaningful life. It encompasses self-acceptance, self-care and self- worth, in a nutshell. I am of the opinion that self-love can be a shield against self-doubt, negative self-talk and unhealthy comparisons that our world of (so-called) perfection demands. And I would like to reiterate that perfectionism is actually a negative trait. But some, foolishly, think it is positive, and try to hide their not-so-good attributes behind a façade of projecting oneself as a perfectionist. I may be wrong, but if you look around and spot a perfectionist, chances are you will find them anything but perfect! Let’s not fall into that trap.

 

First of all, we all need to know that self-love is simply about loving oneself with all our failings and foibles and growing from there. Loving oneself is far removed from being ‘in love’ with oneself.  Loving oneself inspires self-respect, self-care and developing an inner sense of happiness and fulfillment. Whereas the latter is nothing short of being narcissistic, leading to prideful, selfish behaviour, giving one an inflated and fragile ego that is well on the road to self-destruction sooner or later. With knowledge explosion of all kinds, the delicate virtue of self-worth, if not handled with care, concern and compassion takes a beating. That is when unhealthy comparisons and self-loathing get a stranglehold on the individual, choking even the tiniest ray of hope and positivity.

 

The concept of ‘Self-Love’ can be traced back to 1500 – 1240 BCE, where, in the Hebrew Bible, Leviticus 19:18 clearly indicates to “Love your neighbour as yourself”.  We are all aware what this pithy guiding principle means, that is to treat others as we would like to be treated. But I also see something more – the message of self-love! Unless I love and treat myself with respect, care and compassion, and maintain as much as is possible, a positive value-based mentality, I may not be in a position to show love and respect to others. I am certain that we all know that the term ‘respect’ is pregnant with layers of meaning, encompassing a wide range of morally praiseworthy actions (Kant). Therefore, self-respect, an offshoot of self-love is the fulcrum of all human behaviour. This means setting boundaries, walking away from toxic relationships and standing up to mistreatment.

 

It is easy to throw the blame on one’s upbringing/childhood experiences, rejection, criticism, physical/emotional abuse. Stay with me dear friend … when I grow up, my education and interaction with others would help the inner me realize the difference between right and wrong, and good and bad. So, it is time we stop using our past circumstances as an excuse for our present (mis)behaviour. Overcoming the scars of the past requires conscious effort and healing – both, wrought through Prayer, which, in turn, points to learning to love ourselves, the scars, a reminder that we love our neighbour as ourselves. Only then self-love can truly come full circle, from BC to eternity!