It Is In Giving…

Bernard is the eldest of us seven siblings, the light of our parents’ life when he was born, a good five- pound baby boy! As young as he was, a two-year old tot, Bernard began showing signs of being determined (our euphemism for stubborn), and if he didn’t get his way, mummy regaled us later on, Bernard would toddle behind her whining and pinching her eliciting the endearing title “Piley Pincher”! This is the story of the little Piley Pincher who grew to be the “Generous Giver”.

Bernard was as shy a lad as he was confident. He enjoyed studying as much as he loved the outdoors, sports and games. He never compromised on going to Church, and on time. What joy it was for me when big brother served as Altar boy, or, later, when he began doing the Readings too. Church always held a special place in Bernard’s life, for that matter, for all of us, thanks to our upbringing.  

Mummy’s love for dogs rubbed off on all of us, and when one of our doggies passed away, little big brother took on the role of a priest from funeral to burial. When Lassy, our sweet natured snow-white lady-like doggie succumbed to old age, she found her resting place under the drumstick tree near the well. Some of our pet dogs were buried in our backyard under the jumblum (jamun) or sapota tree. Every doggie was given a fond farewell funeral. At Lassy and Rexy’s funerals, they were wrapped up in a small sheet, hoisted up on the kutty tricycle and covered with grass flowers and other flowers from the garden. Brother boy, would don his long flowing cape (a towel tied length-wise around his neck) that reached down to his ankles, priest-like, prayer book in hand, the rest of us siblings forming the cortege of mourners. Off we would go around the house, Bernard leading the little funeral procession in prayer. That he took his “pet-priest” role very seriously became obvious, when he would glare at me if I as much as let slip a smile during the funeral procession around the house. 

This was how it used to be in those bygone days, when, after the funeral Mass (which was sung in Latin) all the relatives and friends of the deceased would, while singing dirges, wind their way on foot from Church to the spacious cemetery where the mortal remains of the dear one was interred. It was a sort of reverential rite of passage to our heavenly abode.

Suddenly, one day, it was time for Bernard to go to boarding school, our school at that time being only up to the Primary level. I was distraught as I hero-worshipped my dear big brother. Each time Bernard came home for the holidays, we younger siblings would put up our handmade decorations which included a Welcome Home board made from the hard cover of an old notebook. In his great joy at being home, Bernard would rush in to greet Bigda, our grandfather, Mum and Dad and David, our uncle, at times not noticing our welcome decorations. I would literally drag him to the hall to show him the handiwork of our hard work, and love it when his bright eyes light up with joy! Being the demonstrative kind, I would throw my arms around Bernard, but very gently, so as not to hurt my feelings, he would remove my arm from around his shoulder. Only much later did I come to know that not many teenage boys like any outward display of affection from anyone.  

Walking to Church for daily Mass is another cherished memory of my dear, simple, loving and gentle brother greeting everyone he could possibly see, even if they were seated in the verandah of their house, and much to our annoyance as we were forced to follow suit! I guess my Bernard always thinks with his heart! Looking back at these childhood memories – treasures, to me – I see how much those beautiful, innocent incidents and experiences helped shape our lives – the good, the bad and the ugly ones too. Some of which you enjoy, and others you learn and grow from!

At RSK Higher Secondary School, Trichy, Bernard shone at studies as well as on the sports field. He was RSK’s ace Hammer Throw champion, holding the state record. Still unsure if Bernard’s Hammer Throw record is broken. He enjoyed playing football too, but excelled at Throws, his forte. His aim was to become a medical doctor, and no, not for the name or position, but, knowing my brother, I am certain that it was more out of his concern to help people heal. Bernard never allowed ego anywhere near him, but would let his fists talk if anyone dared to act smart with us, his sisters.

On completion of his degree from the prestigious Andhra Loyola College, Vijayawada, Bernard set aside his aspiration to do medicine when he realized that it would be a herculean task for Dad having to educate the rest of us. He took up his first job, that of a medical rep. and rose to higher positions in the field very quickly, his sincerity, dedication and honesty his hallmark! Bernard’s unstinting sacrifice of self at the altar of his younger siblings’ education clearly demonstrates his altruistic nature. Bernard’s giving heart did not stop with the family. He was ever ready to anyone who was in need, be it medicines for old uncle Eric Laffery, or just spending some time with the aged Moreiras next door, Bernard gladly gave of his time, energy, effort and money without reserve. Christmas time saw Bernard, Santa Clause-like, come home laden with gifts of clothes and sweets for everyone. Like dad, Bernard too always put family before self, and that’s how it is even today.

Married to one of the most beautiful, bright and affectionate girls in the world, Petulia Chatelier, Bernard is now settled in Ghana, the CEO of a company flourishing under his inspiring and able leadership. Once a week, his company offers free diagnostic facilities to those who can’t afford. Blessed with two brilliant children, Dr. Brian Paul, now a medical intern, and Angelica, doing her double degree at the University of Sydney, his darling wife, Petulia, a teacher and administrator par excellence at the Ghana International school, Bernard is reaping the rich harvest of those “little nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and of love” (Wordsworth’s Tintern Abbey) he so selflessly sowed.  His life is one more shining example of “It is in giving that we receive.”